doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I never wear cologne to an important meeting. I bench an old fridge 10x & let my jungle pheromones show them who's boss.

   its sad when fat girls lose weight only to discover they dont have a pretty face.

   knows if you like drunk girls in high heels, you may also be attracted to newborn ponies

   wondering, would It be fun if we started calling gynecologists, "tw@t dentists".

   has Finally figured out the difference between us. You're me if I tried too hard!

   hoping to be part of a wordless briefcase exchange someday.

   Rebecca Black is pregnant... she should have gotten in the front seat, not the back seat.

   Hey Old Navy Mannequins, stop trying so hard, you're embarrassing yourself.

   Just winked at myself in a mirror and physically felt the soul leave my body.

   wondering, can I still use the big stall if my handicap is being emotionally crippled?

   Auto correct is like having a 4 year old play mad-libs with your email.

   could go to prison for the things he has typed into his notes app on his Droid

   likes calling Ketchup, "meatloaf hot fudge".

   Drunk sex is ok, but drunk hugs are frantastic

   You haven't lived until you've passed through a birth canal.

   Wearing your Oakleys backwards is a stylish way to let people know you're amped about giving them HPV.

   Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is kinda messed up.

   I'm bad with stains. Does anyone know how to get fat out from under a t-shirt?

   Kim Kardashian wants her bachelorette party to be low key, just an E! camera crew and 100 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.

   I got a new phone Friday, it has Texas Hold 'em installed and OH MY FREAKING GOSH IS IT SUNDAY ALREADY?????