JOser Funny Status Messages

   The gang war between the squirrels and the raccoons must be escalating, based on the number of drive-by victims on the side of the road.

   Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question. I'll ask it once again. Why are you hitting yourself?

   A friend of mine told me he doesn't drink beer. I wonder what he does with it?

   Bowl cuts will never go out of style. Unless they somehow become stylish first.

   Saw a fashion report saying that with low riding jeans in style, butt cracks are the new cleavage. What was wrong with the old cleavage???

   Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.

   That thing people do with their mouth when they're using their tongue to get food out of their teeth, I bet there's porn for that.

   I'm not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.

   Bond. Hydrogen Bond.

   I laid awake all night again worrying about why I'm always so tired

   To whoever said "fight fire with fire": do you actually test your own advice before giving it?

   If two trains leave New York, one heading west at 40mph and the other heading south at 35mph, where are my car keys?

   Yes, I realize I'm leaving early. But don't forget, I also came in late.

   iPhone 4: Loses bars when you hold it, gets lost in bars when you don't.

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   Sometimes people act like the US isn't the only country in the whole world.

   I heard the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.

   Switched my GPS to the male voice. Got tired of it announcing turns after we'd passed them and telling me to stop and ask for directions.

   in a constant state of Omphaloskepsis (look it up).

   Dear DNA experts, please come up with a small insect that is genetically designed to annoy flies. Maybe even a small insect that bites mosquitoes. Thanks