Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.

   Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend. Lets all reflect on my life together.

   it still a disorder if I only cut other people?

   whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I'm in public

   sometimes instead of poking you, I just press my finger against your profile pic and do that little coochie coo motion and whisper "girlfriend".

   John Gruden took my 4th grade picture to his Great Clips stylist.

   I have only had two loves in my life: Booze and something else

   For some reason, they dont seem to be marketing the Tickle Me Elmo as heavily this Christmas.

   You wouldn't think I've ever had a stroke unless you saw me trying to get my wallet out my back pocket while driving.

   The soundtrack to my life would just be the sound of a single car door shutting. Every. Single. Weekend.

   If we make a baby, I want his or her name to remind us of that magic night - besides, how many other Doggystyle Rumplemintz Daniels can there be?

   Oh wow! Thanks for the newsletter, Hotel Chain! I'm just lonely enough to read this!

   People!! I have been watching the news the last few days. Now, I never took journalism class, but I'm petty sure "Don't Interview Traumatized Children" came right before "Learn To Spell".

   ♫ Loving you is easy because you're slightly attractive and I've been drinking a lot, doot-n-doot-n-do-doo Ah.... ♫

   A giant spider just attacked the back of my neck and then quickly morphed back into my t-shirt tag!

   My right eye has been twitching for the past hour. Is this what it's like to have a hobby?

   If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.

   My resolutions are the same as last year: try to make it all the way through, or not, whatever.

   All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.

   Todays brain is brought to you by new sponsers. Yesterdays medical alcohol.