JOser Funny Status Messages

   Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit !!!!!

   surviving this massive amount of "family time" by pretending they are mental patients and I'm their case manager.

   often thought that what doesn't kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.

   I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

   I wish more people would put their highways up for adoption. So many people want one and are unable to have their own.

   Some people have food in their teeth because no one likes them enough to mention it. This serves as an early warning system for @ssholes.

   Looked over and saw a giant frickin' spider crawling on my shoulder, so if anyone needs me I'll be over here NEVER SLEEPING EVER AGAIN EVER.

   Why are they called "Starving Artists" instead of "Untalented Hippies"?

   Probably the most awkward thing for Chinese parents is not explaining where babies come from, but rather, where they go.

   Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.

   I'm on this insane diet. So far, I've lost my mind.

   I just responded to a text message someone sent me a year ago with, "yeah, sounds good. Let's do that."

   A leopard can't change its spots, unless it has Photoshop.

   Bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur.

   Eating kidney beans is a very small step towards cannibalism...

   It's obvious that Ed Hardy is g@y. No straight man would decide he would rather design clothing than solve mysteries with his brothers...

   All my friends who have Girlfriends want to be single... All my friends who are single want girlfriend friends... As for me, I just want a slave...

   wants you to know that you have my undivided, continuous, partial attention.

   Thinks that if I was a zookeeper, I wouldn't even bother putting anything in the chameleon exhibit.

   Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt... hehehe suckers!!!