JOser Funny Status Messages

   I truly wonder how much better life would be if people were required to fill out a CAPTCHA before breeding.

   I am not a control freak. I prefer the term "predictability enthusiast".

   The truth shall set ye free. But lying shall get ye a bunch of free sh*t.

   I'd like to kick Murphy's @ss for making any laws.

   When you were a kid, your biggest decision was "Duck Hunt or Mario Bros."

   Only spell it "errbody" if literally each person in the club is gettin tipsy.

   The fine print on Krazy Glue reads, "The only two things this product will successfully attach are your fingers and this tube."

   Match.com says it's responsible for more dates leading to marriages that any other online site. And yet, it has no warning label.

   I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas.

   If age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?

   How come so many people Roll On The Floor *Laughing*? If I'm rolling on the floor, it's usually because I'm on fire. Send help.

   I use really strong sunblock. It's SPF 100. I squeeze the tube and a sweater comes out.

   On a walk, my stepdaughter saw a pay phone, asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Blackberry.

   today I : 1. asked old people for directions and deliberately walked the opposite way... 2. asked very obese people which gym they used...

   Facebook is doing maintenance on my account. I hope that means they're airbrushing my profile pics!

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   To save time, lets just assume I'm NEVER wrong!

   I don't mind going to work. It's that 8 hour wait to go home that sucks!

   LIFE; It's one damned thing after another