Jackbrass Funny Status Messages

   You can't spell slaughter without laughter!

   Worst feeling ever : taking a sh!t in a public bathroom and getting your a$$hole splashed with toilet water.

   Ever since my roommate got a new uptight, b!tchy girlfriend he's been acting like a real d!ck to everyone. So one night I took his phone, went on his facebook and checked in at a male strip club, then a gay bar, then a wmca. He's single again.DontBeAd!ck

   If you think my wife is hot you should see my girlfriend.

   The real meanings of Facebook event RSVP's yes= most likely going but might bail last second, No= your lame why would I go somewhere with you, maybe= I'm not going but I'm too much of a pu$$ to say no.

   Some play hard to get, I play hard to want.

   Cop to a hooker: What would your mother do if she seen you out here doing this? Hooker: She'd kill me, this is her corner.

   Hey people in cavilers, you have a 4 cylinder! I have an 8, stop trying to race me.....

   My girlfriend got mad at me because I didn't like her Facebook status 30 minutes after she posted it. It's not like I have a magical Facebook device on me at all times. Sent via safari for iPhone.

   Home: the place I can poop for as long as I want to.

   Commercials used to be funny. Now they're just like "hey stupid! Buy this!"