Hot Tea Funny Status Messages

   For those of you whose New Years Resolution is to lose weight. There is one simple diet that works. It is, as follows: If it tastes good - spit it out.

   The difference between a grizzly and a brown bear? Climb a tree. If the bear climbs after you, its a brown bear. If it knocks the tree down, its a grizzly.

   I have so many "get into heaven points" from so many people "praying for me" to "save my soul" that I can safely cause hell on earth.

   It really sucks when your in the middle of something and your batteries go dead.

   If I ever kick the bucket, can I get one of you to wipe out my computer and empty the top drawer next to my bed?

   pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!

   finally finished ALL of my laundry. Now, I just have to sweep it's ashes out of the fireplace.

   I am doing a hook rug of Bart Simpson. I REFUSE to use black and yellow. (Pittsburgh SUCKS!) Instead I am using Brown and Orange. (Die hard BROWNS fan!) Bart is ending up looking like Snookie.

   thinking of practicing random acts. Curb your excitement and hold your applause, I never said they were going to be "of kindness"...just random.

   Plan B includes margaritas.

   watched numerous horror movies without so much as a flinch, but I just crapped a brick when the toast popped up out of the toaster.

   How is it my cat is only one foot tall but his azz is always at eye level?

   "I gotta feeling... that tonight's gonna hurt the Black Eyed Peas"

   Women have to shave our armpits. Whose idea was that? That's a concave area with a straight razor. The best I can do is a mohawk.

   So, I just txt'd my mom that the baby might have a black eye tomorrow. Her response? "What does the other baby look like?"

   excited about Fat Tuesday! Not so excited about Headachey Wednesday though.

   And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"

   Consider the social cohesion and dignity of the Japanese people in the face of unimaginable catastrophe. Contrast that with the behavior of Americans when faced with Black Friday.

   I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at every guy on the job and saying, “This thing is broken!!!” (for us females!!! :)

   They should have an option that says "On the Prowl" for your Relationship Status..." Single "just isn't cutting it .