joser Funny Status Messages

   Stop crying. You asked what I thought of your haircut and "macho" is a compliment where I come from, lady...

   I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.

   Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again

   I'll tell ya, there's nothing better than a cold beer(s) after a long hard day of laying on the couch...

   They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...

   The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.

   You call it poor parenting, I call it raising free range children.

   My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford to be broke.

   Don't worry about people from your past, There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

   just drove passed a Budweiser Delivery truck wrecked on the side of the freeway, oh the humanity... I'd like a moment of silence please...

   me and procrastinating have this love hate relationship going on.... but I'll do it later...

   Stop looking at your phone. No one texted you...

   Never end a sentence with a preposition. Incorrect: Thongs crack me up. Correct: Thongs up me crack.

   I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there goes a cavity."

   I feel sorry for our ancestors who used to have to wait days or weeks to hear from friends that they were laughing out loud.

   I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.

   As a man, it scares the hell out of me that North Korea has a missile called the "no dong."

   It wasn't until Rick gazed upon a photo on her facebook after 4 kids, and 80 pounds that he finally stopped wishing he had Jessie's girl.

   Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.

   I'm totally over LOST. I don't even care anymore. I don't miss it at all. Do you want to drive by LOST's house and see if it's home?