Funny Status Messages

   I saw a scarecrow in a field havin' a wank the other day, impossible I thought as he was just clutching at straws.....

   You know you are gay when you look down and you see four balls...

   Healthcare Reform SOLUTION: Senators and Congressmen should have term limits just like the President!

   out making some changes in his life...leave a message and I'll get back to you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes

   facebook-The only place where married men can poke multiple hotties and stay married.

   wishes my lawn was suicidal, then maybe it would cut itself!

   filling in the blanks with packing kernels

   as nervous as a Christian scientist with appendicitis.

   If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

   the only break you get from life is when you die

   wonders if you put a lime in the coconut will it make you feel funny?

   an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about

   I love quarterbacks eating dirt, Pom-poms and short skirts, Fans who won't quit and twins. I love burritos at four a.m. Parties that never end, Dogs that love cats and...And Twins!"

   taking some time out today to make some serious changes in his life. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. If I don't return your message, you were one of the changes.

   -don't follow my footsteps, I walk into walls

   that a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

   Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

   In the 60's and 70's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

   How good was last night? Last night was so good, I actually tried to order a vodka tonic at Jimmy John's Subs...If only you would've seen the cashier's face

   unfriended several people. Apparently the whole "other people can see what you say on here" concept doesn't resonate with them.