Funny Status Messages

   Lifetime, television for women. Yet for some reason women are always getting beaten on that channel.

   The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

   When ever you are single, all you see are couples, but when ever you are in a couple, all you see are hookers.

   Today, my friend from school was saying how her 'nano' died. I quickly responded by saying "so? recharge it." Turns out she didn't say 'nano', she said 'nana'. dammit....

   Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody's drunk in the kitchen.

   Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates

   Once you start down that dark path, forever it will dominate your destiny. At least; that's what Yoda says. I'm still testing the theory...

   wonders if it is only him, that has had a fly or small bug land on his computer screen and been daft enough to try and scare it with the cursor?

   Roman Polanski's punishment for sleeping with that woman when she was 13 should be sleeping with her today.

   Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.

   Sometimes, I wish emails from my family had an *unsubscribe* button at the bottom.

   thinks that with all the spam he gets abot penis enlargement, isn't time they invented a pill to shrink vaginas instead!

   gets loads of email adverts for Viagra. I asked the pharmacist, "Can I get it over the counter?" and was told, "You may need two tablets for that Sir."

   I'm gonna Flirt with you. And Your gonna Love it and I'm gonna Love You. so Why Don't We Just Cut the Crap.. Go Back to my house right now and just have sex."

   WARNING.. I am a Professional. I must insist that no one attempt too or recreate any status or activity seen on my facebook, serious injury could occur when trying to think of new daily messages.

   so cool, they're naming the next ice-age after him.

   wondering... if they were the 'Mario' brothers, does that mean Mario's full name is Mario Mario?

   wishes that "mafia wars" would get into a turf war with "farm town" and all the mobsters and farmers would kill each other so I wouldn't have to get anymore invites to fake shoot people or to grow some virtual celery.

   just risked a car accident to type this

   wonders if when people write "..had an interesting weekend ;) ", that they really mean "had a weekend watching tv and eating cheesy puffs but I wont let you know how sad I am"?