Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   watching Mad Men and thinking the term "AMC Originals" is an oxymoron.

   Tomorrow I will be way more productive than I was today...my goal is to kill 2 rocks with 1 bird. So much to do....so little time

   I cant understand why constipated people dont give a crap

   just watched a video on youtube called 3-minute abs. I worked out for 3 minutes but my abs look the same…what a ripoff!

   wondering if practice makes perfect and no one is perfect, then why practice?

   you say tomato I say get out of my bedroom.

   Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity.

   This weekends forecast... Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out

   the problem with being punctual is that there is rarely anyone there to appreciate it

   just got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with... "according to the prophecy"

   When you think about it, the United Nations is the world's HOA.

   wants to know whats up with girls and big-ass sunglasses. You don't pollinate flowering plants.

   I'm not asleep, I'm checking my eyelids for holes

   Hang on a sec, I'm about this close to getting the hi-score on Donkey Kong!!

   Laugh…and the world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically, for no apparent reason, and they'll leave you alone.

   wondering..If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change their name to Knockers?

   having mid-golf crises.

   Tommorow I am going to finish every conversation with "ACCORDING TO THE PROPHECIES"

   has decided his unmade bed is art in another medium and should not destroy it!!

   just dropped skittles in the toilet and flushed....... it was like a 10 second Nascar race