Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Worrying is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.

   I don't know if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

   As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead, he jaughed. You know he's been there before.

   Give peace a chance. Move to a new town and don't tell your relatives.

   "What's that!! An earthquake?" "YES!! RUN!!!" "OMG, WAIT" *runs to the computer and writes on Facebook* EARTHQUAAAAAAAKE!!!

   I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt. Undoubtedly, all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony.

   I'm only on here for entertainment. Please don't try and make me learn anything.

   I like messing with Texas by calling random numbers in Houston and telling them we've have a problem.

   I got a mosquito bite last night... Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.

   If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

   I'm wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn...

   If I have to endure another day where Facebook doesn't work and is constantly disappointing me, I might have to start dating it.

   I LOVE it when people are overly sarcastic. No, really, it's great! Thanks a bunch!

   I think that someday we'll look back on all of this and blame someone else.

   I'm dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.

   I like the new "like" button to "like" someone's response to a status they possibly "like." So, like, when can they add a dis-"like" button? You know, like to use on this status.

   I didn't realize until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.

   I need a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service."

   I know two wrongs doesn't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will.

   Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.