Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   This morning, as I stood naked looking in the Mirror, I thought to myself: "Any second now I'm gonna get chucked out of this newsagents."

   chill... chill as a cucumber, man

   Scroll to the bottom of your Facebook page...On the left-side, Click on "English (US)". When the window pops up, select "English(Upside Down)".

   No letters were harmed in the making of this status message.

   just swallowed a rabbit and now wishes he read the instructions for his new 'magic for beginners' set

   "She came to me one night. explored my body.. licked.. sucked.. swallowed. when satisfied she left. I was hurt... Damn mosquito!" you DIRTY MIND! LOL!

   trying to change the color of your mood ring.

   thinks there's nothing better than a status change-- so tonight I'm going from "in a relationship" to "single"

   changes his status like he changes his underwear... only when people make comments about it.

   never settle for awesome when you can be super-awesome.

   If you're being attacked by a midget, the last thing you should do is duck.

   thought that whole "don't put metal in the microwave" thing was a myth... he doesn't anymore

   The Representative from South Carolina told the President what millions of Americans want to.

   should shout "You Lie!" in church just to see what happens...

   What do a midget and a dwarf have in common? Very little.

   Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled 'LSD'?" Granny replies, "F*ck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

   inhaled a lot of gas fumes today...butt emitted a bunch more.

   has a ton of things to do today, 12 ounces at a time.

   I get lonely sometimes so I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.

   You can call me anything. Just don't call me collect from jail!