Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Forgot to take the fortune out of my fortune cookie out before I ate it. Now I wont know what my fortune is for about an hour or so.

   stop the bus let my friend jack off...

   watching you now through your monitor

   According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their powers, Zeus split them into two parts; condemning them to spend the rest of their lives in search of their other halves.

   There's love in the air...I'm wearing a gas mask

   doesn't care if ur bored, tired, at work or hungry, also if it's Friday, Monday or the weekend but I do care about the people with very lacklustre status updates. Get a life...Jeez!

   says:" the world is a crazy place!"

   just spit out his stride gum.

   100% positive that he isn't sure!

   doesn't mind taking a leap of faith, he just needs a good run up!

   will not be updating his status today..

   wondering what would Scooby...do!

   comin' atcha with music and fun. And if you're not careful, you may learn somethin' before it's done. So get ready, okay? HEY HEY HEYYYY!!

   Just took out castle number 2 .... heading into Vanilla dome...

   Everybody knows everything that happens in Mario games is just one of Mario's (likely shroom-influenced) dreams. Peach is that woman that he dreams of but can't go after because he's married. Bowser represents his current wife.

   considered becoming Obsessive–compulsive, but it was to much work....

   Why does the Postal Service advertise? I mean, really, who hasn't heard about the Postal Service yet?

   likes long walks on the beach,nights spent on a beanbag infront of a good movie, and sometimes in private likes to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockeystick!

   Was up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me

   thinks the newest version of the game "Monopoly" should come with a government bail-out option....