Funny Status Messages

   asks if what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas....... then why did my new wife follow me home????

   is in the money!! I've just won $50,000 on the Nigerian Lottery (well after I've sent the £250 processing fee). Not a bad days work, especially as I never entered it in the first place!

   Meetings today with my Life Coach, an Aroma Therapist and a licensed Joyologist. Then sitting down and reevaluating my E! True Hollywood Story.

   has a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

   Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

   How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

   I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.

   How many of the Lost cast does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it will take 20 episodes.

   says when my psychiatrist told me I was crazy, I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said, "Alright, you're ugly too." I guess I need to be careful what I ask for.

   ways of making you talk....or I can whip you in the balls while ur laughing hysterically

   finds it amusing when SUV drivers weave around to avoid potholes.

   luckily for some adults, illiteracy is not a crime.

   wishing everyone a happy Friday eve!

   a little annoyed to see that they sell "Shamwows" at Costco and Zellers...all these years I believed they were NOT SOLD IN STORES!!!

   brushing his teeth and having so much fun, but he never lets the water run.

   you look so beautiful.......GOD THIS THING SUCKS AT SARCASM

   a recent survey showed .0025% of woman think about "x" during sex, in a similar study, "x" thinks about "x" 100% of the time during sex.

   Doesnt watch Dancing with the stars, or American Idol, for the same reason he doent eat or drink anything soy, because hes afraid to put toomuch estrogen in his system.

   thinks DJ AM should have been buried in the morning......just sayin'

   I never thought I would live to see another President worse then Jimmy Carter, but it appears I am being corrected....