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if I had to comment your status with "What happened?" and you reply "I don't even want to talk about it...", do you think maybe you should have kept it to yourself? 
off to (insert supermarket) to throw the biggest temper tantrum
here, reminding all of you, obey gravity, it's the law.
Treat everyone like a stressed dog. piss on it and walk off
Once you have seen a woman naked... You pretty much want to see the rest of then naked.
Welcome to Utah - Set your watch back 20 years.
thinks Dennis Leary said it best...."Ted Kennedy, great Senator, but a bad date!"
says it's debatable that Senator Kennedy was a good Senator, but we can all agree he was not the best choice for a ride home after a party.
..muscles needed to make your face frown when someone is a moron to you-42. Muscles needed to extend arm and slap said person-4. You do the math...
A. Drunk B. Sober C. High D. All of the above
thinks you should always follow your dreams.........well, except maybe not the one when I'm wondering around naked at work.
if someone at your church tells you that you have a servant's heart......you're about to start stackin' chairs.
just read an article on the internet about the consequences of heavy drinking-- not gonna lie it scared the crap outta X.. So X decided that after today.. X is going to stop reading.
gonna go on a date tonight but his Farmville eggplant were supposed to be ready so he had to cancel.
real friends stab you in the front.
I wanted to write something about DJ AM but some people said it was too early, so i'm gonna wait 'till noon.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
didn't attend the funeral, but she sent a nice letter saying she approved of it.
You have become a mature person when keeping a secret gives you more satisfaction than passing it along.
remembers the first time he had sex – he kept the receipt.
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