Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   feels like a Autobot in a world of Decepticons

   killed Kenny... (You ba$tard!)

   like Wow, my Farmville Farm runneth over....maybe I could get Michael Vick to thin my herds.

   wish I had a time machine to go back to 1968 so I could show all the pretty ladies what '69 is going to be like.

   that person your mother warned you about.

   made it his main ambition in life to put the fun back into funeral

   it's better to put the cats medicine down the throat...not the windpipe!

   doesn't mind you talk behind his back, just make sure while you're back there that you kiss his butt too.

   fighting racism through his equal hatred of everyone that isn't a beautiful woman.

   last night I was lying in bed looking up at the stars and thinking ... Man, I really got to fix my roof!!

   more confused than a baby in a topless bar.

   If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

   The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

   Why is bra singular and panties plural?

   What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?

   Booting error, no keyboard detected: press F1 to continue, press F2 to abort. WTF?????

   Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock.

   If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

   If God sneezed, what would you say to him?