Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   just not the same since that house fell on my sister

   has a funny feeling they don't sell protractors or standard deviation calculators at his local "doller stoor".

   taking his own poll. Which would you prefer? A cough that sounds like bagpipes or a fart that sounds like a rapid-fire machine gun?

   getting ready to start working on x plan for world domination as soon as x can figure out how to open the child proof cap on this dang bottle of asprin!

   thinks that Lightning is just God taking pictures of us

   dressed as a parking attendent at the zoo, 300 spots at $5 a pop is $1500 for a days work

   as cool as a beeper was in '94!

   Slept like a baby last night!!! Woke 3 times and screamed my lungs out....and pooed my pants !!!

   pretty sure it's what Jesus would have done...

   the cost of living's going up, and the chance of livin's going down.

   f you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito

   I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

   I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not!

   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

   wants to know if pregnant women in their ninth month are afraid to sneeze.

   you`ll notice after reading this notice, that this notice isn`t worth noticing... So why did you read this notice?

   had one to many pregnancy scares tonight.

   While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart

   Out looking for insomnia, be back after I kill it.

   If some people hate Myspace, then why keep promoting your Twitter on it?