Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

   Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

   When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

   somewhere between raising Hell and amazing grace.

   to be ahead in life you have to own one

   I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's ok cause they know me there.

   I'm not shy...I'm studying my prey.

   You know you're getting old when Happy hour is your nap.

   I hate when I get Drunk and Bid on Ebay.

   You know when you say "that thinga-ma-bob"? Does Bob say "that-thinga-ma-me" and when I'm talking to Bob should I say "that-things-ma-you"? In a proper setting is it "that-thinga-ma-Robert"? If 2 guys named Bob are together, do they say "that-thinga-ma-u

   i will not rest until i've killed every terminator in jurassic park!

   drinks only two kinds of beer.... " the beer I have and the beer you give me "

   just got a wicked deal on a book.Do It Yourself Surgery At Home.Any takers?

   if at first you don't succeed...skydiving is not for you!!!

   the real farther of Michael Jacksons children.

   thinks he should get all his friends together so that they can walk in a straight line side-by-side with some awesome back lighting, because according to the movies that is the way friends walk around.

   gummybears are so functional. you can eat them and you can play docter with them 2!!!

   Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex 'cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text Heh-heh, so wrap it up

   I've seen better looking bodies at a junkyard.

   better start training for the 2016 olympics.