Funny Status Messages

   You don't have to change much to change everything.

   The first person who milked a cow... wtf were they doing there?

   If your having facial spasms I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a twitch aint one.

   been officially declared a gateway drug.

   you're immuned to food poisoning because your mum's cooking is bad enough

   not an actor on TV but is one in real life.

   's life has drastically changed ever since he started using verbs

   ,"for god so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son,that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."JOHN 3:16

   livin the chuffin dream baby. Just turned up to work with no trousers on.

   her hair is messed up, pants un zipped alien must have had a ruff night

   shampooing the lawn and mowing the carpet

   campaigning early... 'Anyone Else 2012'

   If the Americans can't find Osama Bin Laden, they should stop looking, sit down with a cup of tea and try to think where they saw him last. This always works when I can't find my car keys or the wifes hairbrush.

   Bloody speed cameras are a complete con. Not only do the photos take about five weeks to arrive, but they cost £75 a picture.

   wonders...If 7-11 is open 24hrs a Day, 365 Days a year......Why are there locks on the door?

   THE LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch

   : If Blind people wear Dark Glasses...why don't Deaf people wear Earmuffs?

   wants to poke you (and not one of those irritating facebook poke either)

   It's my birthday and I'll lie if I want to.

   That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.