Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

   I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

   If I throw a stick, will you leave?

   If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

   Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth.

   Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

   I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

   I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

   A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

   Adults are just kids who owe money.

   Q: what is foreplay? A: usually five minutes of begging

   thanks to all of my fb friends, for without them, I would never know when the work week ends.

   Jesus saves... He must shop at Wall*Mart...

   would so do Lois Griffin from family guy.

   wants to get a puppy and call it Sparta. Then when people say 'Oh how cute, what's it's name' I can shout 'This is SPAAAAARTAAA' in their face.

   Why do farmers always put their gates right next to the muddiest parts of the field?

   This weekends forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out

   Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my crotch.

   looking at paradise....by the dashboard light....

   will take his martini shaken or stirred. Frankly, he doesn't think there's much difference.