jc Funny Status Messages

   Growing old but never up

   I wish Brett Favre would stop texting me photos of himself. The guy is getting out of control.

   The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

   I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

   Dad always tried to warn me that if I continued to play with the stapler while naked I would eventually be bored enough to try stapling things that should not be stapled. For well over 30 years I proved Dad wrong. Today, however, he was finally right.

   at Office Depot wearing a raincoat looking for a staple remover.

   I got stone cold case of the muchies so bad that I'm eating Macaroni and Cheese straight out of the box and chasing it with a glass of milk and butter. So good! I'm tempted to try snorting that powdered cheesy goodness for ultimate processed food high.

   Your proctologist called. He found your head.

   My kid has A.D.D. and a couple of F's.

   I'm hung like Einstein and smart as a horse.

   You can't get on your feet until you get off your ass.

   Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.

   likes to sit in the pharmacy on my phone talking about how I have a contagious rash on 90% of my body and the Dr. can't find a medicine that works!

   There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, Don't tell me what to do.

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons

   I am definitely spending too much time on this here internet thing. Today some rude dude bumped into me and I said to him out loud, "Double-you Tee Eff?!"

   I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.

   Today I heard that song where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. I must admit those are some pretty talented canines. I've been working on that song with my dog for two years straight and he still gets mixed up during the third verse. He's not the brightest.

   I'm an optimist and Windows 8 will be my idea.

   If Windows 7 is my idea, why the heck do I have to pay for it?