abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   Ladies, always keep a V-8 in your car in case you're pulled over so you can pour it over your crotch & say "I need a tampon please let me go."

   There are so many better reasons to riot other than hockey... like a shoe sale!

   Calling all my ex girlfriends today to tell them I have herpes. I don't really have it, I just don't want any of them to sleep with other people.

   There'd be less accidents if there was a texting lane.

   just bought a new pack of socks to avoid doing laundry tonight.

   Love...it takes hostages and shows zero remorse.

   The best way to win an argument is to play dead.

   It's rush hour and a million people are going West and a million are going East. We should either swap jobs or swap houses

   Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible.

   Whose idea was it to "be an adult?"

   Real men like curves; Only dogs like bones.

   just rescued some wine.. it was trapped in a bottle. I saved the day!

   Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don't block the view.

   I lost my balance crawling into bed and leaned my head on the ceiling to prevent from falling over.

   To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.

   We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"

   My phone used to say things like "3 missed calls" and now it says things like "nobody even thought about calling you."

   Don't think too much. You'll create a problem that wasn't even there in the first place.

   Mother Nature can be cruel sometimes. If I ever meet her I'm gonna snatch her purse. Old B*tch

   I wonder what happened to that guy from the 90's who sang that song about barely breathing. I hope he's OK!