XX-FOXY Funny Status Messages

   Some girls don't like to walk in the rain because it puts their face back to the default factory settings...

   On Sunday France plays Croatia... Their defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War II record...

   Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Landline phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 11

   Q: How do you play the ISIS bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

   You know it was a rough night when your iPhone X doesn't recognize your face in the morning...

   Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in...

   Other than insecurity, hatred & racism, sexism & discrimination, greed, infidelity and sheer stupidity most of the human race is pretty much perfect...

   I hope someday I will be able to afford an iPhone X... Like the girl in front of me paying for her groceries with food stamps...

   If I were a cannibal I'd only eat vegetarians, just for the irony...

   America: the only country in the world where not wearing a seat-belt carries a bigger penalty then letting hackers steal 143 million citizens social security numbers, bank info, drivers licenses and credit cards...

   The worst sanction on Vladimer Putin: We send Justin Bieber to Russia!

   Today I ask God for patience to deal with stupid people and courage to tolerate their ignorance, because Lord only knows if I ask for strength I might beat them to death...

   If you see an animal stuck in a trap, free them! If you see a child crying, comfort them! If you see Justin Bieber crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!!!

   When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!!!

   30 years ago today, "Licensed to Ill" was the #1 Album...

   No babe, don't send me the nude pictures. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet. I'd like to know what kind of psycho I'm dealing with...

   Bikinis expose 90% of a woman's body, but men are so decent, polite and well-mannered that we only look at the remaining 10% that is covered..

   Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. It did not have Bluetooth, you could not take selfies on it or send any text messages... Even worse! When it rang I'd pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I'm still alive!

   My girl got naked and asked me to "Show her a good time." So I showed her Facebook pics of me with my friends the night before...

   I'm beginning to understand why Syria, Raqqa 5-Star Al-Aladin VIP vacation packages are being steeply discounted....