MDS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd". Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?
←Rate | 01-16-2018 10:35 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold out... the guy at Super America has a towel on his head.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:45 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:43 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 13:52 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies are not officially old, until going braless pulls the wrinkles out of their faces.
←Rate | 12-26-2017 08:54 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 16:02 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The next four weeks is going to be incredibly difficult for people whose grandmother's actually have been ran over by reindeer.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 11:01 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 13:49 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay
←Rate | 02-14-2017 07:52 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year.
←Rate | 02-13-2017 07:24 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saw a guy getting mugged. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 14:15 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"
←Rate | 10-10-2016 16:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon "This is all your fault!" my wife moaned this morning. "What the hell have I done now?" I asked her. "Give me a chance to think," she said, "I've just woke up."
←Rate | 08-17-2016 07:10 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon He came hopping out of nowhere... I nearly spilled my beer, while I was driving along texting with the radio cranked up. Suddenly, I seen a flash of gray followed up with a "thump-thump!" Anyway Happy Easter! Sorry if you didn't get anything, my bad.
←Rate | 03-27-2016 09:20 by MDS Comments (1)  

   messageicon I hate it when people say 'You don't need alcohol to have fun.' You don't need shoes to walk on gravel, but they help.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 07:48 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won't need to adjust her driving.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 08:21 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon The French have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine. They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 13:06 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another, then that information might of come from the same person that was in that REO Speedwagon song.
←Rate | 03-01-2014 17:53 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winds up to 108 mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...sure is making this texting while driving a real challenge.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:56 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:41 by mds Comments (0)  


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