Vito Funny Status Messages

   Can't find Sesame Street on his GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?

   Doesn't understand why the Mr. Softee guy didn't laugh when I suggested he try Viagra

   in the Smokin' Section lookin' for the hot women. Such a deceiving sign, there's none here

   upset because this Buns Of Steel video isn't what he thought it was gunna be. Stupid misleading covers.

   taking his 1st Karate lesson today @ the Ho Lee Chit Karate School

   it's been 06837 days since the last time I gave a crap

   For Sale: (year you were born here) (your name here). Has a lot of mileage, but still rides like a dream.

   can single-handedly make all your dreams come true...or I could use two hands.

   It takes 2 to Tango, but a whole bunch of people to do the Electric Slide.

   This weekends forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out

   Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my crotch.

   thinks that Lightning is just God taking pictures of us

   Why aren't martini glasses shaped so that they don't spill so easily on the express bus?

   If you ever wanna know the truth about something ask a kid or a drunk...or me after about 10 tonite.

   Forgot to take the fortune out of my fortune cookie out before I ate it. Now I wont know what my fortune is for about an hour or so.

   I get lonely sometimes so I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.

   I got 99 problems but a red balloon ain't one.

   just made pretend I was being chased by murderers to see how long it would take me to open the door if it was really happening...yeah I woulda died

   Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me...It's Sunday.

   I wonder if the The Pillsbury Doughboy gets pissed if you poke him on Facebook?