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M.A.C. Funny Status Messages
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pretty sure that "Can't we just be friends?" means --> "I just wanna use you, like some kind of emotional tampon 3 to 5 days a month, with no strings attached..."
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01-18-2011 09:26 by
M.A.C.
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just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
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01-20-2011 10:42 by
M.A.C.
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If I ever open a knife factory, I'd employ nothing but EMO kids...I'd never have to worry about them reporting an on-the-job injury....
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01-24-2011 15:16 by
M.A.C.
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why must I be made to feel like a porn star everytime I open yogurt....
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02-01-2011 15:01 by
M.A.C.
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saw a guy give a homeless man a coffee....Great! Now he is alert and fully aware of his surroundings...the street, the alley, his shopping cart...
57
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02-02-2011 10:05 by
M.A.C.
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0
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if I could just harness the powers of that groundhog to predict the future...I'd be unstoppable...and I could dig like a mother fu@ker too...
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02-02-2011 15:18 by
M.A.C.
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does anyone else think that Bert and Ernie weren't so much 'funny ha ha' as they were 'funny...well...you know...
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02-02-2011 17:17 by
M.A.C.
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just heard that Obama peeked his head out of the White House and saw his shadow....well, I guess it's six more years of recession...
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02-02-2011 18:27 by
M.A.C.
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reminded my buddy to let his faucet drip...forgot he had gonorrhea...another awkward moment brought to you by STD's...
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02-03-2011 10:52 by
M.A.C.
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with the current state of relationships these days, I think the Grim Reaper should take Cupid's spot...just seems more realistic to me....
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02-03-2011 16:14 by
M.A.C.
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going to call you a half-wit, but I didn't want to tell a half-truth...
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02-03-2011 17:12 by
M.A.C.
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my son just said, "nobody needs a girlfriend till you're married!!"....hmmm...great advice I thought....
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02-03-2011 17:51 by
M.A.C.
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I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…
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02-04-2011 10:14 by
M.A.C.
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I've been reading some of the Black History Month material, and I can't find Buckwheat being shot anywhere…that's just wrong…
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02-04-2011 11:00 by
M.A.C.
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Who uses 1800FLOWERS? ....seems like overkill...a card and a dozen would probably work...
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02-04-2011 13:38 by
M.A.C.
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I'm your friend, and that's why I think I should tell you that your hair, in your new profile pic, says sexual predator all over it…
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02-04-2011 15:09 by
M.A.C.
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I think facebook needs an "I've seen this before, but I still like it" button....
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02-04-2011 18:57 by
M.A.C.
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Although it's true that when I think about you I touch myself, it usually involves a sharp instrument to the heart region…you know, as a reminder….
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02-07-2011 11:11 by
M.A.C.
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If reincarnation were real, I'd like to come back as a stomach virus, so I could say that I truly give a sh!t….
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02-07-2011 14:45 by
M.A.C.
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0
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Ladies...if the wind blows, and you hear a whistle...the 'gap' is no longer sexy, and you might want to consider different pants...
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02-09-2011 12:47 by
M.A.C.
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0
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