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HiYourJon Funny Status Messages
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When you find the right person, you shouldn't even be able to tell the difference between being "single" or in a "relationship". That's the key.
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02-22-2012 10:55 by
HiYourJon
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Am I REALLY the only person who thought that the national anthem's opening line was "Jose can youuu see!" up until last year? Seriously?!!
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03-08-2012 13:07 by
HiYourJon
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Sad thing about the Twitter and Facebook youth = Draw Something lasted longer than #Kony2012
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03-11-2012 05:01 by
HiYourJon
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When I'm bored late at night, I text random numbers saying: “You should really clean under your bed, it's filthy down here. PS: I love you."
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04-11-2012 21:20 by
HiYourJon
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I decided to follow my dreams and it led me to a casino, then to 4 bars, an hour ago I was in a gun shop and now I'm in front of a bank.
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04-14-2012 11:13 by
HiYourJon
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This cab driver is THE WORST. I keep telling him "You passed my house, let me out" & he's all like "Sir I'm a cop and your under arrest for public nudity and intoxication."
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04-15-2012 17:51 by
HiYourJon
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People say that my analogies are as bad as a candle on a forklift.
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04-23-2012 14:50 by
HiYourJon
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Ladies. Want to know if you're pretty? If a male cop has ever given you a ticket, then no, you're not.
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05-01-2012 19:41 by
Hiyourjon
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I hate people who can't make up their minds. I love them.
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05-06-2012 14:41 by
HiYourJon
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I'm trying to explain to this cop that I was tweeting while driving, not texting. He still wants to know why I'm driving naked.
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05-08-2012 23:31 by
HiYourJon
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The fact that the voice in my head yells whenever I read something thats in all capital letter kinda DISTURBS ME.
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05-10-2012 15:52 by
HiYourJon
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If ur Cinco de mayo didnt end wearing a pirate costume bein chased down the street by Dog The Bounty Hunter, then yours wasnt as fun as mine
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05-10-2012 18:53 by
Hiyourjon
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I keep a baseball bat under my bed just incase someone breaks into my house while I'm sleeping and throws a baseball at me
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05-13-2012 23:11 by
HiYourJon
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Boss: You drunk? Me: No I'm totally "sober" Him: Did you do air quotes when you said sober? Me: What? No. Look, I need to get back to "work"
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05-14-2012 21:46 by
HiYourJon
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People who over exaggerate literally make me want to shoot myself in the face 287 billion times.
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05-15-2012 23:56 by
HiYourJon
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Fun Fact: the seven letters of "rainbow" stand for the different colors! Red, arange, iellow, neen, blue, ondigo, and wiolet. I'm drunk.
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05-22-2012 00:22 by
HiYourJon
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it true that every girl is a patron bottle away from a lesbian experience? Because they have that sh!t on sale at Costco right now.
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05-29-2012 14:22 by
HiYourJon
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The Scarecrow didn't have the brains, Tin Man didn't have the heart, and the Lion didn't have the courage. So Dorothy remained a virgin.
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05-30-2012 16:51 by
HiYourJon
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THEY'RE over THERE worrying about THEIR grammar, while YOU'RE right here concerned with YOUR punctuation. YOU'RE welcome TO share this, TOO.
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05-31-2012 13:57 by
HiYourJon
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n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags? Ok, maybe I don't know what the word ‘ironic' means.
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06-02-2012 13:56 by
HiYourJon
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