Surhater Funny Status Messages

   " Your call is important to us followed by a 15 minute flute solo "

   I like hitting stuff to make it work. Makes me feel like the Fonz.

   If you're skinny already why the heck are you trying to diet ? What are you trying to lose ? Your life ?

   Blonde girl tells her Blonde friend. I just f cked a " Brazilian " guy. She said " You Slut! How many is a Brazilian!?"

   If she asks you what you want for Father's Day. Tell her to take you off child support.

   Accidentally broke the window out of my neighbor's Accord while playing catch with my son and started it with a screwdriver out of habit.

   It was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

   I'ma punch Cap'n Crunch on the roof of his gums if I ever meet him .

   Who says I can`t cook? You obviously haven`t tasted my cereal !

   I will restart the entire song if you breathe too loud over my favorite part

   Y'all don't use paper plates. I'd use a paper pot if I could. F them dishes