One Funny Status Messages

   Health experts recommend 3 to 4 servings of fruit a day. So I wanna know exactly how many Coronas with limes is that gonna take?

   Morning cardio routine: Stretch. Gravity Hand Slam on snooze button. Pull arm back under covers. Roll over. Wait 9 Minutes. Repeat

   I don't know about you but putting the Kardashian's on a credit card to promote financial responsability makes as much sense as getting a nun to be a spokes woman for a condom company.

   If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?

   if it is not on wikipedia, then you are wrong, lady

   at work, online researching how to be more productive at work

   Turning his beds into bunk beds so that there is more room for activities

   Yes, I saw you dance. No, I don't have a dollar

   Blaming a Happy Meal your kid is too fat, is like suing a gym for losing weight.

   And the Lord said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life..." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

   figured out that plastic surgery allows women to make their outer appearance resemble their inner appearance -- fake.

   Get off the phone while you driving and while your at it, pick a lane and stick to it

   you know why guns are better the woman? You can put a silencer on a gun

   Honk, if you want to see my finger!

   Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon

   Do married people live longer than single ones, or does it only seem longer?

   It's better to have a gun and not need it than to not have a gun and need it

   i guess Farmville is cool, if your into doing thing with the animals

   two nuns are riding their bikes down a small stone trail, one nun tells the other "wow, I've never came this way before", "yeah I know, it must be these stones

   Trying is the first step toward failure.