Kman Funny Status Messages

   Many people are not smart enough to understand their own stupidity

   I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   in light of Anderson Cooper coming out....the reach around will now be known as the AC 360

   A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers

   There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.

   I didn't practice abstinence, I perfected it.

   Feels sorry for K-9 drug sniffin dogs on their day off.....what do you mean we're not going to work....you don't understand mannnnn.

   If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

   "This is your brain." I've seen a lot of weird stuff on drugs. I have never ever ever ever EVER looked at an egg and thought it was a brain.

   After ten years in therapy, my psychologist told me something very touching, he said, “no hablo ingles.

   Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

   Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.

   at the current rate of the economy hookers are gonna be giving away toasters soon.

   I wonder if Tom Cruise is jumpin on the couch again since he's getting a divorce.

   getting a restraining order on Old Man Winter

   the economy is so bad, that hookers are now giving away toasters.

   he gets his morals from the men's room wall.