Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 99 of 6372
The best part about being over 40 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.
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07-04-2018 14:19
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I love that "take out" means food, dating, and murder.
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07-16-2018 13:18
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Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
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07-18-2018 07:23
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I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry..
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07-18-2018 07:28
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It may be time to start exercising . Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying for the summit tomorrow.
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08-15-2018 12:45
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I miss the good old days when I used to think T-mobile was a rapper.
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09-18-2018 06:45
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I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.
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09-20-2018 23:15
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My Bank Account probabbly thinks I am Dead 😢
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10-16-2018 00:04
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Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
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11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha
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If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
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11-12-2018 09:56
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I know winter has started when my neighbor returns my rake, and borrows my snow shovel .
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12-05-2018 14:50 by Joker
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I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
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12-07-2018 18:12
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My goal weight it to be able to breathe while tying my shoes.
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12-22-2018 07:27
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You know how TV commercials for burgers places make the burger look much better in the picture than they do in real life? Yeah, that's FaceBook
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12-30-2018 09:55 by Mr.Sharp
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People who confuse the word "burro" and "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
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02-07-2019 19:49
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Facebook - The only place in the world you can be social while being antisocial.
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02-21-2019 03:51
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When my dog hears another dog down the street, he always looks at me like I had something to do with it.
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04-25-2019 05:52
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IT'S 2019 Why Isn't there like a booth to get my abs developed in an hour or less yet ?
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05-09-2019 16:15
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The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I'm married to it.
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09-05-2019 12:13
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No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra' and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that my wife does.
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09-06-2019 12:29
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