Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Music is much more enjoyable if you listen with your eyes shut. It is also more enjoyable if the people sitting near you would listen with their mouths shut
←Rate | 12-08-2017 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than to be fooled by a kiss.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 13:59 by @BlackieBino1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 10:28 by MDS Comments (1)  


   messageicon Women who say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to read; "I don't know where ya’ll gonna get your laughs now"
←Rate | 03-25-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon remember the time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate?
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adulting is putting back a pack of chicken for $8.58 because you see one for $8.17...
←Rate | 11-07-2019 11:11 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: sorry mom, called you by accident.. Mom: no worries, had you by accident.
←Rate | 11-22-2019 05:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to...
←Rate | 01-03-2020 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looks like Bloomberg got stopped and frisked during the debate...
←Rate | 02-20-2020 08:26 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
←Rate | 02-28-2020 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New pickup line: hey why don't you come back to my place, I have toilet paper😉
←Rate | 03-11-2020 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So showing up at the bank with a mask and gloves is okay now
←Rate | 03-20-2020 02:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hugh Hefner ran a company wearing pajamas so can you.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are driving alone in your car with a face mask on... Stay home... Even after this is over...
←Rate | 04-20-2020 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they’ve lost. Now they know how we feel!!
←Rate | 06-02-2020 17:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything I need to know in life I learned in First Grade... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
←Rate | 06-05-2020 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, we tip the pizza delivery guy, but not ambulance drivers.
←Rate | 10-16-2019 18:04 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think I’d respect captain crunch more if his eyebrows weren’t on his hat
←Rate | 10-24-2019 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good thing that not everyone owns a smartphone..Someone has to HONK when the light turns green.
←Rate | 12-10-2019 18:40 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  




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