goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   i'd run away from home, but my Mom wont let me cross the street.

   Friendly Advice: If you run out of Chapstick, just use chicken sh!t. It doesn't help your chapped lips, but it keeps you from licking them.

   You can take that thumb, and shove it up your A$$.

   "Back in my day we never went to school, the Indians taught us!"

   1.5% of my Chapstick is lost because I shave a little off every time I put the cap back on.

   My biggest fear is that FB will rat on on me and post "So&So is listening to Hall and Oats on IHeart Radio".

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   Be advised, if you read a status from me pertaining to driving, that I have safely pulled the vehicle safely off the road to update said status. Why? Because dying on the job wasn't in the contract. That is all

   Liking and commenting on the same status, gives me a false sence of notification.

   Today is one of those days you want to crank the AC down to 68 and watch Braveheart.

   Stop saying you have lake front property, that's a freakin' ponding basin.

   I know let's come out with some kind of fish product to mask the fact we've been serving horse-every fast food joint

   I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

   My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

   Women...why is it so hard to F-in fill the gas tank? The E doesn't stand for ENOUGH!!

   To the makers of fruitroll-ups: when I enjoy your deliciousness, I mess up the touchscreen on my smartphone. Work on that please...

   What a great world it would be, if the only complaint was bugs on the windshield.

   As an ex-construction worker, when I see a "lost" cone on the roadway a little piece of me dies inside.

   Man Rule #4: Never be the last one on your street to bring the trash bins in.

   "To Hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat same as worms."-Josie Wales