Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Somebody needs to start a dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saying “just kidding” is a way to tell the truth without getting punched in the face.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I’ll send you pictures of how happy it makes me. Problem solved.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it’s not domestic violence or a wild party. It’s football season, that’s just me screaming at my TV.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A North Carolina woman stabbed her roommate's ex-boyfriend because she claimed he wouldn't stop playing Eagles music. He's OK, but apparently she stabbed him with those steely knives but she just couldn't kill the beast.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don't produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Better to be the worst of the best, than the best of the worst."
←Rate | 09-10-2018 03:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everytime I see KellyAnn Conway's face, I always vomit!
←Rate | 09-10-2018 02:48 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Can you tell me how to get....... How to get to craaaazzzy town..... How to get to crazy town..... how to get to crazy town..... how to get to crazy town.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 02:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump is the best thing to ever happen to US comedians.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 01:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Plaid shirt guy for 2020!
←Rate | 09-09-2018 13:48 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy.
←Rate | 09-09-2018 03:18 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon "54 days till Halloween Halloween Halloween, 54 days till Halloween Sliver Shamrock." Ba ha ha boo.
←Rate | 09-09-2018 00:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the wheels on the bus go round and round all day long. When does the bus driver get any sleep?
←Rate | 09-08-2018 22:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Serena Williams said she'd rather lose than cheat while her coach admitted to cheating....
←Rate | 09-08-2018 21:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I booed you at your own wedding, can’t we just let bygones be bygones?
←Rate | 09-08-2018 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
←Rate | 09-08-2018 09:21 Comments (0)  

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