lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Apparently, I would rather break my teeth or put a hole in my new shirt than locate a pair of scissors to cut the tag off.
←Rate | 08-19-2010 13:52 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When dogs leap onto your bed,it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed,it's because they adore your bed.
←Rate | 08-17-2010 12:51 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want to be buried with a ring of toasters surrounding me. That way, when Archaeologists dig me up in 1,000 years they'll say "Ohh she must have been important!"
←Rate | 08-17-2010 12:47 by lemonpillow Comments (13)  


   messageicon A study finds that most US currency is laced with cocaine. In fact, most dollar bills have a street value of $1.07.
←Rate | 08-15-2010 08:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against ___________ .
←Rate | 08-13-2010 14:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its Friday 13th,an unlucky day.To counteract that you could try a Rabbits Foot or a Lucky Horseshoe. Horseshoes usually bring good luck today,but never trust a horse that wears high heels & remember to never trust a rabbit that tries to sell you his foot.
←Rate | 08-13-2010 14:18 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
←Rate | 08-12-2010 17:56 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A study reported that iPhone users have more sex. Most likely cause is that there's an app for that.
←Rate | 08-12-2010 17:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am...
←Rate | 08-11-2010 14:00 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If opportunity really wanted my attention, it would have rung the doorbell.
←Rate | 08-10-2010 14:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon This week the California gay marriage ban Proposition 8 was struck down the same day as the new 2011 IKEA catalog was unveiled. Coincidence?
←Rate | 08-10-2010 14:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do! Haha!!."I replied, "20 x 0 = 0!" That shut him up.
←Rate | 08-10-2010 14:07 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do nudists refer to their genitals as "privates" or "publics"?
←Rate | 08-10-2010 02:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently each year, more people get killed by donkeys than in aeroplane crashes.So to summarize, if you ever see a donkey on an aeroplane, you're in f*cking trouble.
←Rate | 08-09-2010 13:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is sooo wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a single slice. You can't say that about much else.
←Rate | 08-09-2010 13:34 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son has painted the most beautiful mural. On the side of our house. His new family will be so proud.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 14:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady Gaga admitted that she does cocaine. Not really surprising news. What is surprising? She snorts it off her penis.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 14:06 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex.Guy says "You must be an gyno' because you can work that p*ssy." The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 16:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only Picasso would have said I look lovely this morning.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 18:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love to whisper in a woman's ear. Not because I'm romantic, but because I don't want other people to hear me lying.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 18:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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