Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again
←Rate | 08-17-2020 16:33 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once saw someone stare at the McDonald’s menu for 15 minutes before ordering just one cheeseburger with no cheese. So yes, I do believe there are still undecided voters
←Rate | 10-09-2020 08:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are they still bad habits if I like them?
←Rate | 04-10-2021 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Every restaurant in the world is packed on mothers day but they want us to BBQ on fathers day.
←Rate | 05-31-2018 18:06 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor
←Rate | 05-10-2020 09:52 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, a gun is much less likely to be used in a crime than a Senator.
←Rate | 12-06-2017 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your ignorance may be bliss, but it’s giving the rest of us a headache.
←Rate | 04-26-2021 13:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it isn't broken, fix it until it is. 🛠
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
←Rate | 12-04-2017 12:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, things are not getting worse. They are just getting more obvious.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 11:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon My Pride flag is up all year around, it's red, white, and blue. Merica' 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
←Rate | 07-02-2021 18:52 by Matt Comments (0)  


   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phonebook. She laughed and called me an antique, Then proceded to gave me her phone.Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.
←Rate | 07-20-2017 19:41 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you were surprised by jeffrey Epstein's suicide, just imagine how surprised he was!
←Rate | 08-10-2019 21:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain
←Rate | 09-11-2021 16:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m really thankful I had a childhood before social media took over.
←Rate | 11-30-2020 12:47 Comments (1)  




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