Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 9 of 5827

   messageicon All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone tells you you can’t do something, ignore them. That’s how people trick you into doing things.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
←Rate | 03-24-2018 09:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you receive a text/forward that says, ”Send it to all your friends,” then please don't consider me as your friend while forwarding it, thanks
←Rate | 04-03-2018 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'Flashdance' gave me unrealistic expectations about how hot welders would be
←Rate | 07-16-2017 20:17 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in...
←Rate | 10-12-2017 09:22 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am already ashamed of some of the things I will be doing over the festive holiday.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 00:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not so great minds also think alike!
←Rate | 11-29-2018 07:42 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Three things I'm grateful for, 1. Family 2. Friends 3. Caller ID to advoid family and friends.
←Rate | 12-14-2018 04:19 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt
←Rate | 12-22-2018 09:02 by Ky Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish it was 1945 so I could call chicks “doll face”
←Rate | 12-28-2018 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently bumblebees don't want you to pet them.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
←Rate | 12-16-2017 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon English teachers on Facebook must feel the same hopelessness as dentists do when they're at a candy shop
←Rate | 12-09-2017 04:28 Comments (1)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left