santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Here's a Christmas Idea for yas... Cheech and Chong advent calendars with 1 gram of different weed a day .

   Dear Santa: Either you give me what I want for Christmas or I'll turn Rudolph and Comet into a piece of deer jerky. Make it happen, fat man!

   Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.

   It's all fun and games. . . Until Santa checks the naughty list.

   Can't wait for the fat man to show up on Christmas eve, and no I'm not talking about Trump.

   If there are kids singing Christmas carols outside, is it rude to open the door and throw beer cans at them? Because I just did that.

   Nothing says Christmas in the South like cranking up the air conditioner while waiting for the tornado warning. . .

   If your kids keep finding the presents you've hidden, put them in the attic. Don't forget to feed them while they're up there.

   I think Christmas is cats favorite holiday. A big tree to climb on complete with all kinds of things that you can whap onto the floor.

   The best gift of all, is freedom and health. Merry Christmas

   Tiger Kings, Joe Exotic will never sing Christmas songs cause he hates carols.

   ghost of christmas past but it’s just the clothes that used to fit before the pandemic

   This is the last week you can threaten to cancel Christmas if your kids don’t do what you say; use it wisely.

   This year I’m printing my Christmas cards on trash bags to save everyone the extra step

   Can anybody cover my shift tonight? ~ Santa Claus

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it. I'm still waiting on the test results.

   Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.

   My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge raclst, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was bIack - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   What's with everyone calling it "Holiday decorations" back in my day, we called it a little something like Christmas.