Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 82 of 6387

   messageicon Just pulled on a nose hair and one of my pubes disappeared.
←Rate | 10-04-2021 11:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t play it safe and have fun; but with fun, there comes a price.
←Rate | 11-26-2017 04:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a leaf blower, but for people.
←Rate | 09-06-2017 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honestly, it's not the way I look that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 10:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." The problem is, I can't tell the difference anymore.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 09:23 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x
←Rate | 08-12-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's really ironic that I mostly use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
←Rate | 09-10-2017 19:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon America: the only country in the world where not wearing a seat-belt carries a bigger penalty then letting hackers steal 143 million citizens social security numbers, bank info, drivers licenses and credit cards...
←Rate | 09-16-2017 09:45 by XX-FOXY Comments (2)  


   messageicon Not sure what’s more bizarre…me sitting on the porch at 2am having a candy cigarette…or that my neighbor just waved at me while watering his lawn.
←Rate | 08-11-2020 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the way 2020 has been going I couldn't decide last night if I wanted to sit outside to watch the meteorite shower or take cover.
←Rate | 08-12-2020 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
←Rate | 08-15-2020 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they’ve just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey’s Anatomy
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two squirrels are fighting to the death in my bird feeder right now and I think I’m finally ready to get rid of cable TV
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My living will specifies that if I’m ever on life support nobody pulls the plug until I reach my goal weight
←Rate | 01-27-2021 07:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night..
←Rate | 02-04-2019 07:02 by Jawadkeswani00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you gets a link called 'free porn' don't open it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelchek and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Lil
←Rate | 06-13-2019 15:05 by @wiz_of_sarcasm Comments (0)  


   messageicon So Walmart securty didn’t see this Mofo coming in from the parking lot with a Ak-47 ? But they wanna see a receipt for some water!
←Rate | 08-06-2019 15:58 by Remy Comments (0)  


   messageicon This cashier just held my five dollar bill up to the light in case you're wondering how I do with first impressions.
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People that cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 28 dependents in...
←Rate | 02-04-2020 23:59 by JeffW Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the Quarantine, I’ll only be telling inside jokes.
←Rate | 03-22-2020 08:04 Comments (0)  




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