Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 82 of 6387
Just pulled on a nose hair and one of my pubes disappeared.
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10-04-2021 11:41
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You can’t play it safe and have fun; but with fun, there comes a price.
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11-26-2017 04:41
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I need a leaf blower, but for people.
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09-06-2017 14:54
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Honestly, it's not the way I look that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
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09-27-2017 10:37
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They say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." The problem is, I can't tell the difference anymore.
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07-10-2017 09:23
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Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x
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08-12-2017 07:27
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It's really ironic that I mostly use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
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09-10-2017 19:44
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America: the only country in the world where not wearing a seat-belt carries a bigger penalty then letting hackers steal 143 million citizens social security numbers, bank info, drivers licenses and credit cards...
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09-16-2017 09:45 by XX-FOXY
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Not sure what’s more bizarre…me sitting on the porch at 2am having a candy cigarette…or that my neighbor just waved at me while watering his lawn.
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08-11-2020 08:15
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With the way 2020 has been going I couldn't decide last night if I wanted to sit outside to watch the meteorite shower or take cover.
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08-12-2020 12:30
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How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
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08-15-2020 11:28
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Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they’ve just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey’s Anatomy
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09-08-2020 09:57
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Two squirrels are fighting to the death in my bird feeder right now and I think I’m finally ready to get rid of cable TV
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09-22-2020 08:20
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My living will specifies that if I’m ever on life support nobody pulls the plug until I reach my goal weight
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01-27-2021 07:56
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Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night..
If you gets a link called 'free porn' don't open it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelchek and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Lil
So Walmart securty didn’t see this Mofo coming in from the parking lot with a Ak-47 ? But they wanna see a receipt for some water!
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08-06-2019 15:58 by Remy
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This cashier just held my five dollar bill up to the light in case you're wondering how I do with first impressions.
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08-08-2019 06:04
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People that cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 28 dependents in...
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02-04-2020 23:59 by JeffW
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Due to the Quarantine, I’ll only be telling inside jokes.
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03-22-2020 08:04
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