love Funny Status Messages

   I shot my girlfriend with a cupid's arrow thinking that she would fall more in love with me, but now she's just laying there on the ground ignoring me.

   Now..a cheaper way to express your love...----E-cards !

   All through their lives while raising my kids, I consistently told them that when they grow up they should “do what you love.” I probably should have also mentioned that they should run like hell as soon as they heard the sirens.

   I love it when she's hot for me, or just hot for someone and I happen to be there.

   I love how some people ignore the train wreck that is my life and actually try to ask me for advice with a straight face.

   Valentines Day: A woman is sitting at home with her husband and says, "I love you." He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."

   You have to figure that Shaquille O'Neal never signs greeting cards "Love, Shaq" because that band the B-52's came out with that song and pretty much ruined it for him.

   The Love Boat was my favorite 80's TV show about senior citizens infecting each other with STD's on the open seas.

   You will NEVER find the love of your life, if YOU ARE the love of your life.

   Instead of bashing what you hate, try smashing what you love.

   Love to collect call people randomly, just to remind them that that is somehow still a thing.

   Really hate crime but I love true crime docs so I'm at a real impasse here.

   Hi everyone, welcome to ventriloquist club! The first rule here is do not talk about ventriloquist club…with your lips moving. Haha, just a little joke to get us started. Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.

   She was just a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still

   I told my aunt I love cooking with my Instapot, and judging by these edible recipes she just sent me she may have misunderstood.

   I love reading books that are based on real events but spiced up with a little fiction to keep your interest, kinda like people's Facebook posts.

   “I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Hillary. They all hang together; half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't that bright.

   Fake Love: Her: Good morning love of my life, beat of my heart. Him: God morning sunshine, reason I live. True Love: Her: coffee if you want it. Him: Ehhhh.

   Illegals, America invites you to bring your families, our tax payers would love to provide you free health care, free food stamps, and free housing. You will never have to do anything again, just come to our country. What will come next?

   it me or is Tosh.0 the greatest freaking show since Flavor of Love???...