Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 80 of 6387
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
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11-13-2017 05:04
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My cat has a fun new game called Catch & Release.. It catches the mice outside and brings them into the house and releases them.
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11-21-2017 12:06 by Mic
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Time to hit the sack. After that, I’ll probably just go to bed.
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09-05-2021 19:15
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Shouldn't there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
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07-11-2017 09:34
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Ole Nancy and the other baby murderers are crying awful hard today...
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06-24-2022 11:12
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My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I can't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.
Kim jong nu looks like a korean garden gnome
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11-20-2017 18:10
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I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
Movie Theater Tip: When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there..
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01-24-2019 08:58
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When you work hard, save your money, go out and buy that expensive thing you've always wanted, then your lazy friend says "Must be nice."
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02-26-2019 06:42
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Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
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10-19-2017 23:42
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A new commandment. Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
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12-24-2017 20:19
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When I text I use the word duck a lot. Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.
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12-29-2017 07:39
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Now would be a good time to pave the roads
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03-20-2020 07:27
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Instead of Build Back Better, how about you just Put it Back the Way You Found it.
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04-04-2022 06:24
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Elevator music bothers me on many levels
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10-18-2017 12:19
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I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
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07-11-2017 05:58
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Congress is so strange. Someone gets up to speak, says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.
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07-14-2017 07:44
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Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
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09-21-2017 07:17
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