SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???

   My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!

   If Target sends you coupons for rope, garbage bags, and bleach, abort the mission. They know too much.

   The fact that Mitt Romney has a son named Matt Romney kinda makes you hope for 3 more sons named Mett Mott & Mutt.

   Just had a very positive experience with Verizon Customer Service. What the hell is this world coming to?

   Dear cast of The Simpsons, Why is it that the asian characters are white and the white characters are yellow? Sincerely, confused.

   A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then that is why

   I was so angry when I found my wife's profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn't “fun to be around.”

   Turns out, "Cowboys & Aliens" is NOT about Arizona's immigration laws.

   They should make Harry Potter brand condoms Protect your slytherin from hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.

   I'll never just put the seat down; the lid's going down with it. If I gotta work, so does she.

   That was insensitive. I asked you to stop being stupid without considering how incredibly difficult that must be for you.

   The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.

   How hasn't someone invented a smoke detector that can tell the difference between "blazing inferno" & "toast"?!?

   You know you're drunk when you can speak fluent Ozzy Osbourne.

   I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.

   If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.

   I need a new assistant for my knife-throwing act. Also need a large rug and a gallon of bleach.

   With subpar graphics and no discernable plot, TurboTax is, hands down, the worst video game I have ever played.

   My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.