santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon the difference in Tiger Woods and Santa is Santa stops at 3 hos.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 07:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
←Rate | 11-24-2011 13:57 by g0re Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 01:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Merry Christmas! oh, its not evern thanksgiving yet? well, how about we forward that memo to the stores, cause its beginning to look alot like christmas..EVERYWHERE I GO!
←Rate | 11-06-2010 19:16 by Ann Comments (0)  

   messageicon christmas shopping online is confusing the kids..they see their toys being delivered one at a time. If the UPS guy would dress like Santa..problem solved.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wanna take a wiffle ball bat into malls during Christmas shopping for those idiots that just stop suddenly in the middle of the walking area. That humming thump noise while I crack it across the back of their heads would bring joy to my holiday season
←Rate | 12-21-2010 11:27 by Stragen Comments (2)  

   messageicon I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.
←Rate | 12-28-2011 22:20 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering: Horse? Catapult? Tooth Fairy? Santa?
←Rate | 04-17-2011 16:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween and handed out candy..........
←Rate | 10-19-2010 23:32 by Corey C Comments (1)  

   messageicon It"s ok to pretend you're Irish on St. Patrick's Day. You pretend you're good on Christmas, don't you?
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
←Rate | 12-21-2014 12:07 by conan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
←Rate | 05-11-2015 14:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Keeping the list of naughty girls all to yourself? Well played Santa.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 12:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This just in WIKILEAKS plans to reveal what you are getting for Xmas......
←Rate | 11-30-2010 13:27 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it's because you're a whore.
←Rate | 12-27-2016 19:36 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite holiday special about a burglar whose crimes go wholly unpunished.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 06:17 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .
←Rate | 12-15-2011 14:09 by BigToe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Score ! I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough...... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !
←Rate | 12-09-2010 17:43 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If all my Christmas presents were wrapped in bubble wrap... it's be like two gifts in one!!
←Rate | 12-25-2011 02:49 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  

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