Funny Status Messages Search

X I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-18-2011 09:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-20-2012 10:00 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Lighters should have an attached sticker that reads: Caution: Will go missing in a week.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-07-2011 09:29 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Why don't people ever hoard good stuff? I if I were a hoarder, I'd have a house full of cupcakes and slip-n-slides.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-13-2011 16:22 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X It's that time of year again where commercials remind me that I will probably never get a car with a bow on it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-21-2011 09:13 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-29-2011 12:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X If you don't already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-05-2012 10:04 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-23-2011 11:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should've listened the first time.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-27-2011 11:04 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-03-2012 13:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-08-2012 11:04 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Dance like no ones watching. Sing like no ones listening. Live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-17-2011 08:34 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-14-2011 09:55 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Haven't seen David Blaine in a long time. I'd say it's his best trick ever.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-06-2012 12:33 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I appreciate the transparency Domino's pizza tracker provides, but updates like "Carl dropped your pizza" & "5 second rule" are a bit much.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-28-2012 10:09 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Kissing a girl on her forehead is care, on her cheek is respect, on her lips is love, but kissing her in front of her boyfriend is GUTS

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-14-2011 12:08 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Ever want to click on someones status and edit it for them?

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-11-2011 11:37 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I like how the package for cotton swabs says don't put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-09-2011 14:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I washed the car with my son today. Worst.sponge.EVER.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-29-2012 09:27 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X There's a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the "close this ad" button.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-25-2012 09:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)