Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just caught my pecker in my zipper. No more zip-up boots for me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Australian Kiss ~ Kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s time for the 99% of us who are not offended by everything to quit catering to the 1% who are.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:45 Comments (0)  




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