Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Talking to someone who decided to call instead of text: Yes, that’s correct… And, the horse you rode in on.
←Rate | 05-29-2022 00:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “We need to change Washington DC from the inside.” Me: I say we blast off and nuke the entire site from orbit.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd rather be rich than stupid.
←Rate | 07-25-2022 01:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m kind of glad dinosaurs are extinct. Pretty sure I’d try to keep one as a pet.
←Rate | 07-04-2022 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Q: What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A. One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
←Rate | 05-16-2022 05:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of us is right and the other one is you.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Need a conversation starter for your next cookout? Arrange the chicken pieces on the grill to look like a cat.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 03:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 16 Psyche is one of the most massive asteroids in the asteroid belt. It’s made of materials like gold, platinum and nickel. It’s value is estimated to be around 700 quintillion USD.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon War is when they tell you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.
←Rate | 06-13-2022 02:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you go parachuting and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall; I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
←Rate | 07-25-2022 01:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: The fences need painting and the car needs washing. Him: Kids! Who wants to learn karate.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Soon, the public will be unable to think or reason for themselves. They’ll only be able to parrot the information that was given to them on the previous night’s news.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Might get crazy tonight and go to bed at 10 instead of 9.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kicking open the bathroom stall at work after eating 4 jalapeno cheddar taquitos from the Exon Mobil gas station on my lunch break.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 03:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many of you are 12 years old and playing with your mother’s phone while she’s asleep?
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happiness ~ is a cabin on 800 acres, 3 lakes, two mountains and no neighbors.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 22:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: You remind me of the sea. Him: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting? Her: No, because you make me sick.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dating is a great way remind yourself that dying alone isn’t that bad.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We’re not drilling for oil here because of “global warming.” But, we’re going to let someone else drill the same amount of oil somewhere else and burn even more oil to get it here. Brilliant.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 23:24 Comments (0)  

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