Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon 90’s Psychopath = 2020’s Gender fluid mainstream progressive.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You must’ve been born on the highway, that’s where a lot of accidents happen.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I want to do is go outside, then inside, then outside, then inside. ~ The Dog
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:41 by Susan_66 Comments (0)  

   messageicon T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon An empty browser history says more than a full one.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 23:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Reach ~ as high as you can, and then a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies.
←Rate | 05-12-2022 01:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forest Grump: And just like that, having classified documents was perfectly acceptable. 😆
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every few years, you reevaluate your concept of old. 😉
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You technically have 2 minutes to live, but every time you breathe it restarts the timer.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife: Why is your back all scratched up? (flashback to me chasing a racoon after she told me to leave it alone) Me: I’m having an affair.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I identify as a microwave dinner, because I’m ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.
←Rate | 06-18-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Octopuses are just wet spiders.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’re not happy single, try dating apps. You’ll still be single, but you’ll appreciate it a lot more.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When today’s safety meeting is about what you did yesterday.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:42 Comments (0)  

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