Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Does Bruce Jenner get a Mother's Day present this year?

   Happy Mother's Day! Mom's are the REAL MVP.

   Where are the realistic Mother's Day cards that say, "Well you did the best you could with what you had and I still love you anyways."

   as many times as I've been called "that mother f*cker" in my life, I better be getting a Mother's Day card and gift too.

   When my son was a teen and bragged how he came out of his mother, I reminded him that he came out of me first.

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   My cell phone battery dies faster than a mother in a Disney movie.

   Look, nobody can tell the sex of your baby, so please either pierce it's ears or draw a mustache on that ambiguous little mother f*cker

   WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers

   One of the most difficult jobs in the world is being a mother. If done wrong, you could ruin someone's future......NO PRESSURE!!!

   " Fcuk the Police" ............ Please encourage this!! With the shift work we do protecting your sorry ass it's sometimes hard to meet women. So please encourage your sister and mother to continue your cause!!

   Charles Manson is getting married to a 26-year-old and I’m still single. I’ll never hear the end of it from my mother at thanks giving.

   Remember when someone had posted "who cares if we don't get to see polars Bears, cuz we didn't get to see dinosaurs?" I guess mother natures cares with this winter blast!

   I have never been paid for sex, but holy mother of god, there were a few instances when I should have been.

   My contribution to mother earth is not to waste water cleaning glasses when I can drink straight from the bottle

   pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law

   I had to explain to my brother that a milf is supposed to be someone else's mother..

   Judge, I'm sorry I attacked that woman but I was wearing cheetah print & she had on a zebra shirt & Mother Nature just took over from there.

   [Mother-in-law visiting] -May I use your restroom? -Down the hall first door on the right -That's the front door -You may use the yard

   "You're as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care