Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon spending Thanksgiving day with your obnoxious relatives something to be thankful for?
←Rate | 11-15-2018 20:23 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon A recent study found that the possibly of work place violence increases significantly when someone puts Christmas music on the office radio in mid-November.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 18:02 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp. That is why I'm taking no chance and bringing my ID to the grocery store with me.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 14:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We were so poor that all we had for dinner was “helper”.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 14:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You've a Land Rover, a Land cruiser but still have a Land Lord. Sister your weed is too much
←Rate | 11-15-2018 13:03 by Emmanueljanauk Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't really wash your hands, they actually wash each other while you are there standing
←Rate | 11-15-2018 12:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your palm itches, you're going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 06:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My MIL would invite her self to have dinner with my husband and me. Tired of this, one time after dinner I put the dishies on the floor and let the dog lick them clean in front of her. Then put them back into the cabinet. We now have MIL free dinners.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 05:13 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor kept stealing my paper. So I let my dog poop on a old one. I neatly folded that paper . Got up early and switch the real paper with the one with the poop. My neighbor no longer steals my paper.
←Rate | 11-14-2018 23:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Since when do you need a ID to buy a box of cereal ?
←Rate | 11-14-2018 18:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever been so drunk you ate a frozen burrito?
←Rate | 11-14-2018 17:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are self driving cars the brothel of the future?
←Rate | 11-14-2018 13:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Florida we get "I'm still voting" stickers.
←Rate | 11-14-2018 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you tell someone you love them without them making it weird that you're under their bed
←Rate | 11-14-2018 11:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If people would just give ugly people a chance and date them too, catfishing wouldn't be a thing.
←Rate | 11-14-2018 11:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry you brought logic to a wife fight
←Rate | 11-14-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
←Rate | 11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't believe your eyes or military satellite photos. Just blindly believe what a guy tells you. If you do, then please contact me so I can sell you shares in my unicorn ranch.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  

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