lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'lemonpillow': View All Messages
Page: 8 of 40

   messageicon I bet the homeless are really nice people. They never wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stepping in some water barefoot in the kitchen, not so bad.Stepping in some water with socks on, bloody catastrophic.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet,I have to watch and make sure it dosen't come back, zombie style, with revenge in it's tiny heart.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass old ladies and supermodels than argue with motorcycle gangs.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 08:44 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never going to grow up. I'm just going to stop hiding what I do from my parents and start hiding it from my kids
←Rate | 08-26-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Habits, babies, and promises. All are way easier to make than keep
←Rate | 08-26-2010 13:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some call it stalking. I call it love.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 17:12 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Support the fine arts, shoot a rapper.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 16:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone tells you to take their advice,you can be pretty sure they're not using it.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 09:54 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
←Rate | 08-25-2010 09:31 by lemonpillow Comments (10)  


   messageicon Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 14:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 13:59 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this year,this was voted as the best one-liner :"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.". Those Scots. What a hilarious bunch they are.
←Rate | 08-23-2010 14:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't refrigerators have a milk dispenser next to the water in the door? You could just hold your cereal bowl under it and push the button.
←Rate | 08-23-2010 13:24 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon My therapist once told me, "Sarah, no one is taking advantage of you." Feeling a bit better I asked how much was the co-pay. He said "I don't know how much do you got?"
←Rate | 08-22-2010 13:38 by lemonpillow Comments (6)  


   messageicon I spent 3 hours watching Big Brother tonight, thinking all that lazy woman has done is lay on the sofa eating crisps and drinking fizzy.Then I realised the TV wasn't even on...it was just the reflection off the screen.
←Rate | 08-20-2010 18:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon why does a woman have two sets of lips? One to argue with the other to apologize.
←Rate | 08-20-2010 14:44 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon When a man speaks, people listen, then look. When a woman speaks, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.
←Rate | 08-19-2010 13:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left