Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 77 of 6387

   messageicon Happy birthday to Alexander Graham Bell. In his honor, I’ll be calling in sick.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 06:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New Commandment: 11. Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor.
←Rate | 03-24-2020 07:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?
←Rate | 03-26-2020 15:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy at Kroger asked me if I know where Engagement, Ohio is. I said it's between Dayton and Marion.
←Rate | 04-21-2020 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: If you wear a face mask your coworkers can't smell the alcohol on your breath.
←Rate | 05-12-2020 00:55 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obviously stupidity is much more contagious than Covid19
←Rate | 06-05-2020 07:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Acknowledge many, trust few, but always paddle your own Canoe
←Rate | 07-13-2020 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Lysol commercial said I should disinfect what I touch the most but I have a feeling that's gonna burn.
←Rate | 07-16-2020 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the good ol' days, when no one had a clue what 'gluten' was.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do all my own stunts but not intentionally.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 17:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon has been approved for drone delivery. We now have skeet shooting with prizes.
←Rate | 09-15-2020 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‘Was that really necessary?’ ~slapped newborns
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Banks need to do a better job filling their ATM's. 3rd one in a row that's saying "Insufficient Funds"
←Rate | 10-02-2020 11:44 by KennyOpiola Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fear is contagious...so is Hope.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 10:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with “.gov”?
←Rate | 10-13-2020 16:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Mom finally brought my Dad’s urn into the living room and placed it on the mantle. It caught everyone a little off guard including my Dad who was just sitting there watching Duck Dynasty.
←Rate | 12-02-2020 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Putting tape over my webcam so the hackers can’t watch me take unreasonably large bites of food.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone: 58%. My husband’s phone: 7%. Me: Honey, I need your charger.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Five parrots separated at British zoo after they wouldn’t stop swearing at guests
←Rate | 10-02-2020 10:59 Comments (0)  




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