Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 77 of 6387
Happy birthday to Alexander Graham Bell. In his honor, I’ll be calling in sick.
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03-03-2020 06:32
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New Commandment: 11. Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor.
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03-24-2020 07:05
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Do you think, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?
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03-26-2020 15:34
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A guy at Kroger asked me if I know where Engagement, Ohio is. I said it's between Dayton and Marion.
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04-21-2020 07:27
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Pro Tip: If you wear a face mask your coworkers can't smell the alcohol on your breath.
Obviously stupidity
is much more contagious
than Covid19
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06-05-2020 07:02
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i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year
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06-29-2020 10:01
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Acknowledge many, trust few, but always paddle your own Canoe
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07-13-2020 16:30
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The Lysol commercial said I should disinfect what I touch the most but I have a feeling that's gonna burn.
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07-16-2020 21:14
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I miss the good ol' days, when no one had a clue what 'gluten' was.
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08-10-2020 14:37
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I do all my own stunts but not intentionally.
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09-10-2020 17:33
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Amazon has been approved for drone delivery. We now have skeet shooting with prizes.
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09-15-2020 15:12
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‘Was that really necessary?’ ~slapped newborns
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09-22-2020 08:13
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Banks need to do a better job filling their ATM's. 3rd one in a row that's saying "Insufficient Funds"
Fear is contagious...so is Hope.
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10-06-2020 10:12
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Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with “.gov”?
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10-13-2020 16:01
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My Mom finally brought my Dad’s urn into the living room and placed it on the mantle. It caught everyone a little off guard including my Dad who was just sitting there watching Duck Dynasty.
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12-02-2020 08:00
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Putting tape over my webcam so the hackers can’t watch me take unreasonably large bites of food.
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08-27-2020 09:03
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My phone: 58%. My husband’s phone: 7%. Me: Honey, I need your charger.
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09-30-2020 15:44
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Five parrots separated at British zoo after they wouldn’t stop swearing at guests
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10-02-2020 10:59
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