Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor
←Rate | 05-10-2020 09:52 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can anybody cover my shift tonight? ~ Santa Claus
←Rate | 12-21-2021 05:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Every restaurant in the world is packed on mothers day but they want us to BBQ on fathers day.
←Rate | 05-31-2018 18:06 Comments (1)  


   messageicon me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work
←Rate | 07-27-2018 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder when the CDC will recommend closing the southern border.
←Rate | 08-02-2021 05:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well…. It’s “we finally got Donald Trump day” again.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 17:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you get when a topless blond rubs sunscreen on a topless brunette? Your camera.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, a gun is much less likely to be used in a crime than a Senator.
←Rate | 12-06-2017 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd be surprised at how quick Lowe's employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...
←Rate | 10-11-2019 09:10 by Gabe Comments (1)  


   messageicon Welcome to your fifties. You have seven pairs of reading glasses throughout your house, but you can’t find any of them, including the ones on your head.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 03:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your ignorance may be bliss, but it’s giving the rest of us a headache.
←Rate | 04-26-2021 13:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't approve of poll-little-cow jokes, I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next person that says “the jab” is gonna get “the shot” in the arse.
←Rate | 08-03-2021 21:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I die, don’t let me vote for Biden.
←Rate | 05-01-2022 20:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
←Rate | 08-18-2022 03:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To defeat the latest variant, experts recommend doing all the things that didn’t work the first time.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:26 Comments (0)  




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