Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 73 of 6387
I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor
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05-10-2020 09:52 by Rickster
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Can anybody cover my shift tonight? ~ Santa Claus
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12-21-2021 05:45
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"We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
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05-04-2018 09:01
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Every restaurant in the world is packed on mothers day but they want us to BBQ on fathers day.
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05-31-2018 18:06
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me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work
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07-27-2018 13:44
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I wonder when the CDC will recommend closing the southern border.
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08-02-2021 05:22
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Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
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06-08-2018 18:19
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Well…. It’s “we finally got Donald Trump day” again.
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08-15-2022 17:39
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What do you get when a topless blond rubs sunscreen on a topless brunette? Your camera.
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07-28-2021 02:56
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Statistically, a gun is much less likely to be used in a crime than a Senator.
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12-06-2017 14:25
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You'd be surprised at how quick Lowe's employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...
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10-11-2019 09:10 by Gabe
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Welcome to your fifties. You have seven pairs of reading glasses throughout your house, but you can’t find any of them, including the ones on your head.
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07-08-2020 12:08
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Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you.
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08-15-2022 03:34
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Your ignorance may be bliss, but it’s giving the rest of us a headache.
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04-26-2021 13:09
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I don't approve of poll-little-cow jokes, I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
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09-14-2021 02:32
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The next person that says “the jab” is gonna get “the shot” in the arse.
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08-03-2021 21:07
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If I die, don’t let me vote for Biden.
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05-01-2022 20:46
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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
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08-18-2022 03:22
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Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
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12-05-2017 05:20
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To defeat the latest variant, experts recommend doing all the things that didn’t work the first time.
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07-28-2021 03:26
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